Will Smith’s Trauma Based Slap

Few people have not followed the Academy Awards frenzy after Will Smith slapped Chris Rock for an insensitive joke directed at his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith. Like others, I reacted with confusion (did that just happen?), then astonishment (that really happened!), followed by interest (where did that come from?). What would make Will react with violence on live national television on the biggest night of his life, dressed in his finest clothes while presumably being on his best behavior, in front of his peers and millions of viewers, resulting in a catastrophic outcome for himself, his family, the Academy, other nominees, and winners, and his career. I doubt he will ever look at his hard-won Oscar without cringing.

Clearly, it was a bad joke, but not entirely unexpected. The Academy Award producers have tolerated, even encouraged, celebrity roasting. Oscar organizers condone comedic bullying. It offended Jada as evidenced by her look of disgust. Although Will initially laughed, he stepped up to protect her honor and then strolled back to his seat with a smirk of satisfaction. It would’ve been more appropriate to do a walk of shame, with head hung low.

He was awarded the best actor award for his role in “King Richard”, where he played the father of tennis stars Venus and Serena Williams. King Richard fiercely protected his daughters. His acceptance speech was a tearful and convoluted justification of his role as a protector. “Love will make you do crazy things.”

But did he truly protect Jada? I believe he did not protect her, but rather exposed her. I now know more about her alopecia and the intimacies of their marriage than I have a right to know.

And did she need his protection? He hijacked Jada’s response to whatever insult she took from the joke. Someone on social media said “as a strong woman, unless I am being physically attacked, my husband better keep his butt seated, show some class, and not react like a shameful bully. Instead, lean over, kiss me on the cheek, then whisper words of encouragement for my ears only. Now that’s a gentleman.” Another woman said, “Does my husband have my back when I need him? You bet! Without ever resorting to violence or threats.”

Protection goes two ways. Jada could have reached out and grabbed Will’s arm to calm him, as a means of protecting this special night for him. She could have said, “It was a bad joke, but I got this.”

So, what does trauma have to do with this? Will says growing up in an abusive home caused him to develop unhealthy defense mechanisms. He said, “My father was violent in my house. So a part of the whole creation of Will Smith — the joking, fun, silly — was to make sure that my father was entertained enough not to hurt my mother or anybody in the house.” He lives with regret that as a little boy his father beat his mother and he couldn’t protect her. “When I was nine years old, I watched my father punch my mother in the side of the head so hard that she collapsed. I saw her spit blood.” The incident haunted him. He thought he was a coward, and that one day when he was big enough, strong enough, and when he wasn’t a coward, he would slay his father. Instead, he attempted to slay his wife’s bully.

Of course, I’m not in a position to know Will Smith’s unconscious process. But I can’t help but view his behavior as a form of repetition compulsion and reenactment. Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats an event or its circumstances over and over again. They repeat patterns of behavior that were difficult or distressing in earlier life. Freud believed that traumatic repetitions are the result of an attempt to retrospectively “master” the original trauma. In this case example, Will may have been trying to atone for not protecting his mother by protecting his wife.

Peter M. Bernstein, Ph.D. wrote “Trauma: Healing the Hidden Epidemic”. In this book he addresses the concept of traumatic reenactment. “Reenactment is a process that includes compulsively repeated thoughts, attitudes, and patterns of behavior. The goal of reenactment is to resolve and heal a past traumatic experience or series of experiences. Reenactment arises out of our past and can seriously disrupt our present lives and relationships.” And in this case, Will may have been reenacting a familiar dynamic by standing up to the bully. Unfortunately, he not only tried to protect his wife, but he replicated the violence of his father.

If I am correct that his behavior is related to trauma, then I believe he is entitled to compassion. It is not easy to be human. It might be true that love makes us do crazy things, but trauma certainly makes us do crazy things.