Is It Time to Move On?

Sometimes when things seem intolerable, you just have to move on. Maybe you’re in an unsatisfying job, or a conflict filled relationship. So you waffle, unsure about whether you’re making the right move. Is the future really any better than your current situation?

There is no certainty about the future. But there are bottom line conditions that indicate it is time to move on:

When the situation consistently causes more pain than joy.

When you feel angry and resentful more days than not.

When you have made yourself small to accommodate an intolerable situation.

When the situation is killing your spirit – causing depression, anxiety or medical illness.

When you act against your core values and lose respect for yourself.

When you have tried everything to fix the situation, and there are no options left.

When you have exhausted your options and turn to irresponsible activities like the use of alcohol or drugs to numb yourself.

When you feel abused by the situation.

Unfortunately, most situations are not so clear cut and we feel stuck. Ambivalence keeps us stuck because there are always pros and cons to every situation. Creating a list of pros and cons may be evenly matched, but the items carry different emotional weight. Even if we make an intellectual decision to change, we may lack the emotional where-with-all to enact it. So we stay stuck.

Here’s a technique that may help. Diane Hansen, officer at What Works Coaching, a business consulting company, devised a system to resolve ambivalence. She recommends that you get a mason jar and fill it with rocks. Every time something happens that makes you want to move on, remove a rock from the jar. Every time you have a moment that makes you want to stay, add a rock to the jar. Do this until either the jar is empty or you can no longer put rocks in the jar.

This technique clarifies a decision but does not necessarily give you the emotional muscle to act on your decision. The goal is to feel your emotions and use them as a helpful guide, but not to let them rule over your decisions. When you manage your emotions in a positive way, you are building the muscle of your emotions. You strengthen your emotional muscle by pushing past your comfort zone and current limits. If you don’t push yourself, you won’t get stronger. Start with small challenges. With each successful challenge, you gain confidence in your ability to withstand discomfort.

Here’s what I know: we only have one life and we are responsible for how we live it. If you think you need to move on, create an exit plan, utilize your support system, and take the next logical step. You don’t have to have it all figured out, just find the next logical step that will get you closer to moving forward.