It’s OK to Mourn the Loss of a TV Show

Who doesn’t love a good TV show? The 10 most watched series finales ever were M*A*S*H, Cheers, The Fugitive, Seinfeld, Friends, Magnum P.I., The Cosby Show, All in The Family, Family Ties, and Home Improvement. However, my personal favorites include Northern Exposure, Sex and the City, The Vicar of Dibley and now Downton Abbey. I miss these shows.

We are pulled into a good story line in which a web of characters face personal challenges, each of whom want something that is important to them, but they can never quite get. Viewers are drawn in by a taste of what is to come. We want to know how it turns out. We care about the characters and become emotionally involved. Because we are emotionally involved, we grieve its ending. Christiane Manzell, a grief therapist, says “Human beings love stories and making connections, even if it’s to fictional people. We create meaning and then experience actual grief when that connection is broken. The connection is real, and loss is loss.” If we’re connected, we’ll grieve.

When we immerse ourselves in a book, movie or TV show, we are transported into a fictional world. And when it ends, it’s like losing a part of us. Hopefully, the grief over a story, however real it seems, is less intense than the grief we’d feel for the loss of actual people in our lives, but we are still affected to some degree.

Not only do we grieve a show finale, but it’s a reciprocal process. The show can teach us how to cope with grief. When a TV character dies, the surviving characters deal with the sadness, memories, and emptiness. The remaining TV characters show us how to carry on after the death of a loved character. Death is a part of life, it is something we will all face. This helps us to understand death when it happens in our lives.

Often, fans watch their favorite show together. There is a loss of community when it ends and we begin a collective process of mourning. Social media helps viewers grieve by providing an online community of sympathetic fellow fans. Sharing memories with others who enjoyed the show aids in our healing. Even having access to reruns will assist the grieving process.

I’m already grieving the end of my Sunday night ritual of being transported into Highclere Castle. But Downton Abbey itself offers wisdom to carry on. Here are some quotes on grief expressed by various characters on the show:

Nothing in life is sure.

In the midst of life, we are in death.

The price of great love is great misery when one of you dies.

We shout and scream and wail and cry, but in the end we all must die.

The business of life is the acquisition of memories. In the end, that’s all there is.

You never know what’s coming, do you.

Who knows what the future may hold, or how much longer we’ll even be here.

As a final tribute to Downton Abbey, I have organized a Ladies Tea at which time we will be treated with tea and pastries and watch the last show together. We will laugh, cry and mourn. This event is open to the public. I hope you can join us at 2:00 p.m. on Sunday, March 13 at the DeSoto House. $35 per ticket. Proceeds go to Rotary of Galena. Reservations are required at gabbert@mindspring.com. Checks payable to Rotary of Galena, PO Box 52, Galena, IL 61036.