How to Talk to Someone About Depression

A friend recently asked for me advise on how to talk to his son about depression. He didn’t know quite what to say. I appreciate his desire to help his son and his loss to find the right words. I recommend that when talking to a person whom you suspect is depressed, it is important to convey three things: education, empathy, and available resources.

Education is important in helping people recognize the blues from clinical depression, and to understand the symptoms. Most of us feel sad, lonely, or blue at times. But clinical depression on the other hand, goes beyond sadness, loneliness or the blues. Clinical depression can be overwhelming and last for long periods of time and can keep you from leading a normal, active life.

Your family member or friend may not realize that they are suffering from depression. If they can understand the signs and symptoms of depression and understand that depression occurs from an imbalance in brain chemistry, they may more easily seek treatment.

So what are the symptoms of depression? They are difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions; fatigue and decreased energy; feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness; feelings of hopelessness or pessimism; sleep disturbances; irritability, restlessness; loss of interest in activities or hobbies; overeating or appetite loss; persistent aches or pains that do not ease even with treatment; persistent sad, anxious or empty feelings; and may include thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts. Having some of these symptoms is normal and does not indicate depression. But if you can identify five or more of these symptoms within a two-week period, a further assessment is warranted.

Empathy shows concern for their well being. Have a conversation with the depressed person about how they are feeling. Don’t be confrontational. Remember that they are suffering from an emotional problem and are in a vulnerable state. Start off with the words, “I’ve noticed that you appear down lately. What has been going on?” Be a good listener, conveying that you are open and care about them. “What can I do to help?”

Many people are embarrassed about depression and won’t want to talk about it. You can offer your support regardless of whether they fully open up. Depression often causes people to isolate. Stay in contact with them. If possible, get them out of the house, get fresh air and enjoy the sun. Physical activity releases “feel good chemicals” in the brain. This will help improve their mood, even if only temporarily.

Resources for treatment are easily accessible. Recognize when your friend should seek professional help. Depression is highly treatable. Up to 80% of those treated for depression show an improvement in symptoms within 4-6 weeks of beginning medication, counseling and attending support groups or a combination of these treatments. However, two out of three people with depression do not seek or receive proper treatment. Offer to go with them to see their doctor or a counselor.

Untreated depression is very serious and could lead to suicide. Don’t take your friend’s hints at suicide lightly. Talk openly and directly about suicide. Use the words “suicide,” “kill yourself” and “dead” in a matter-of-fact way. Don’t get into a debate as to why they should live, or whether suicide is right or wrong – your arguments won’t help. Don’t let them swear you to secrecy.

If your loved one has suicidal thoughts, get them to a professional or contact the police immediately. They will do a safety check and hospitalize them if needed. Also, alert other people in your friend or family member’s circle about the severity of their feelings in order to generate additional support.