What Good Are Emotions?

If you’ve ever experienced intense, gut wenching sadness or paralyzing fear you may wonder what possible function these emotions serve. Why do we have emotions and are they really good for anything? Surely we could do without them.

Generally speaking, emotions guide us through life. Our fight or flight response is rooted in our emotions that helps us make decisions on how to act. For example, if confronted with danger, we cognitively assess the situation, our body responds to the assessment by preparing for action, we are motivated to do something, and our expression relays social messages. Of course, this happens in the blink of an eye. But basically, emotions are our friends.

Balanced emotions are essential for a healthy life. However, too little or too much of them will create havoc. When emotions become problematic, they are no longer our friends. Help is available. Two treatment approaches come to mind: Cognitive Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.

Cognitive therapy is based upon the idea that how we think, our cognitive perceptions, determine how we feel. And if our thinking is distorted, then our feelings are uncomfortable. Most often, intense emotions such as depression and anxiety coexist with cognitive distortions. Examples of cognitive distortions are all-or-nothing thinking, over focus on the negative, disqualifying the positive, mind-reading, should statements, personalization and blame, labeling, over-generalization, mental filter and jumping to conclusions. Once you correct the exaggerated or irrational thinking, you experience relief. Recommended reading is The Feeling Good Workbook by David Burns.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a form of psychotherapy developed by Marsha Linehan to treat people who have problems with emotion regulation and distress tolerance. These may be people who are diagnosed as having borderline personality disorders, addictions or trauma survivors. The ability to tolerate distress and regulate emotions is central to healthy relationships. Marital problems occur when these skills are absent.

Rules for managing feelings:

1. Do no harm. The ability to regulate your emotions and tolerate distress will keep your emotions from spilling over to others in a harmful manner.

2. Do not create more problems for yourself. Manage your behavior in a healthy manner. Do not turn to drugs, alcohol or other maladaptive patterns as a means to regulate your emotions. Don’t allow your emotions to cloud your judgement and make poor decisions.

3. Learn from them. “Don’t ignore it, explore it.” After listening to the message of the feeling try to understand if there are issues that you need to address in your life. They could be issues you need to deal with internally, externally such as problem solving, or relationally.

4. Apply healthy coping skills such as meditation, relaxation and exercise to calm yourself. Utilize a support network to talk out your emotions.

In summary, emotions are good, depending on how we handle them.