When Holidays are Not So Happy: Addictions Cause Problems

When we think of holidays, we imagine good cheer and family gatherings. Family time may include gift giving, a warm meal and laughter. We wish others a “Happy Holiday and Joyous New Year.” If we fail to let others know that we love them any other time of the year, holiday rituals remind us to do so.

Unfortunately, not all family gatherings are happy. Some gatherings are loaded with drama. Addictions can create havoc. What if Dad passes out in front of the company? What if your sister is high? This family member won’t attend if that family member is there.

No one sets out to be an addict. But once the addiction takes hold, the addicted person is so preoccupied with the substance, they lose control and will continue using in spite of negative consequences. This may include losing their savings, family and friends, their jobs, homes, and their self-respect.

Families marked by addiction experience horror, fear, helplessness and grief unlike others. The family member that you love has turned into a stranger. Because you love them, you reach out to support them in any way you can, often becoming over focused on the addict, who is over focused on the substance.

Author Beverly Conyers has been there. Her book, Addict in the Family, is a compilation of what she learned. She reminds the reader that you didn’t cause the addiction and you can’t cure it. It provides an excellent guide for setting boundaries with addicts while also maintaining a loving relationship.

This is a difficult balancing act and one that requires recovery for both parties: the family and the addict. Families in recovery learn to avoid destructive patterns. They utilize emotionally healthy behaviors and coping skills that benefit themselves and the addicted person. With appropriate boundary setting, love and forgiveness, family gatherings can be pleasant times.