Family Feuds Over Inheritance
Hollywood’s actor, Mickey Rooney died last month at the age of 93. His work spanned 90 years. He began work at the age of 17 months in silent films, then vaudeville, then transitioned into television and stage theater. His last movie appearance was “The Muppets” in 2011. He had much to be proud of.
However, his personal life was turbulent. He married eight times and was legally separated from his last wife two years prior to his death. He lived with a stepson and his stepson’s wife whom he filed elder abuse and fraud charges against. He testified in court about his story of abuse and was granted a restraining order against them. He then lived with his stepson Mark and his wife in the Hollywood Hills.
Rooney’s wife and children are contesting his will. CNN wrote according to the will “Rooney ‘intentionally omitted’ and disinherited his eight surviving biological children and two other stepchildren from his last marriage. Rooney had no negative feelings toward his surviving children, but they were all financially better off than he was, . . . adding that Rooney believed that what little he had to leave ($18,000) should go to Mark Rooney and his wife, because they had been taking good care of him in his final two years.”
Unfortunately, too many families become embattled over estate inheritance. Rivalries, greed and theft sometimes occur, causing irreparable harm to family relationships. Although a will is intended to express the wishes of the deceased, a will alone is insufficient to avoid family squabbles. To prevent this kind of conflict, legal arrangements are necessary which include a trust in addition to a will. It’s good advice to update your will, trust, and beneficiary designations every few years or whenever you have a major life change. This is evidence that you took an active role in your estate planning and were not influenced by someone else.
One family member thinks their mother would prefer to be cremated, rather than buried. Another member has strong feelings that their father would want heroic efforts to prolong his life. Or a third member insists on organ donation. Living wills inform people of your wishes before your death. I recommend Five Wishes from Aging with Dignity (www.agingwithdignity.org). This communicates your wishes so that your family will not have to guess what you want.
Even with wills and trusts, there may be conflicts over who is “entitled” to family heirlooms that have sentimental rather than financial value. There may be sour feelings that one member carries the burden of primary care, while another rarely visits. What appears as greed and pettiness may be symptoms of a struggle to feel loved and important. The fight for money and things is not necessarily about the object or the money itself, but about what they symbolize: importance, love, security.
In some cases, a family member has a personality disorder that causes them to distort and escalate natural family rivalries into personal and legal battles. Or some children feel a sense of entitlement to their parents’ estate and will loudly contest what they feel is rightfully theirs. Children do not fight over just money. Kids fight over memories.
Communication can avert some problems. Sometimes you can avoid conflicts by making your reasoning known. Simple explanations will go a long way toward avoiding bad feelings. They don’t have to agree with you—after all. These are your decisions to make. Communication can attend to the children’s emotional needs, whereas a legal document cannot.