Back Away From a Power Struggle With an Acting Out Child

In Kenton County, Kentucky, a sheriff’s deputy worked as a school resource officer in an elementary school. There were an 8-year-old boy and a 9-year-old girl in that school who suffer from ADHD or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. When the children acted out in class, becoming aggressive, the deputy placed them in handcuffs. The children were so small that they could not be handcuffed around the wrists, but were cuffed behind their backs by their biceps. It was reported that the boy was only three ½ feet tall and weighed 52 pounds. He is also reported to have a learning disorder and PTSD or post traumatic stress disorder. Both were in pain and the cuffs were removed after about 15 minutes. Clearly, the deputy was in the wrong.

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is suing the deputy alleging that they were punished for behavior related to their disabilities. People with ADHD by definition, have difficulty controlling their impulses, sitting still and following directions. It is unlawful to use restraints to punish children or as a way to force compliance.

So when are restraints necessary? Hospitals and treatment facilities are sometimes required to place someone in restraints in emergency situations if they pose a threat of harm to themselves or others. The uses of restraints are regulated by national and state agencies. When restraints are used, they must limit only the movements that may cause harm. The restraints must be removed as soon as they are safe. Only someone with proper training in the use of restraints is allowed to restrain others. Another health care provider must be informed that restraints are being used. The person in restraints has to be watched and monitored for safety.

Restraints are not to be used to cause harm, pain or be used as discipline or punishment. They are used only as a last resort, after exploring alternatives. Such alternatives are having staff and family members sit with the patient, or using distraction or de-escalation techniques. The goal is to use the least restrictive type of restraint possible.

I get it. Nothing can make an adult feel more powerless than an out of control child who is having a meltdown. Who among us has not become so frustrated with an acting out child that we want to restrain them? There are children who behave so badly that we lose our patience and want to lash out at them, thinking that a good spanking will change their behavior. But, often these children are afflicted with a disability and are not capable of controlling their behavior. They need treatment for their condition, not punishment.

There are innumerable books on parenting and discipline. There is easy access to online help. And yet, we don’t always know the best technique at the right time for any particular child. What I do know, is that we need to back away from a power struggle. Abuse is more likely to follow a battle of wills. If the child is not responsive to your interventions, back away, calm yourself and generate resources. Never attempt to use force when you are angry. Seek the help of a family member or a close friend. If these efforts are not effective, seek professional help. It takes a village to effectively raise a child.