Caring for an Elderly Parent

We fear the time when our parent’s health begins to fail. This is a process which can be overwhelming and we may be unprepared. Where do we start?

First, if you notice your parent is having a few problems, speak with your siblings in a family conference to gather comprehensive thoughts and concerns, as well as availability for needed help.

Second, have “the talk” with your parent about their wishes. Do they have a will? A living will? Power of Attorney? If they don’t have a will and haven’t thought of their wishes, I recommend a tool called Five Wishes distributed by Aging With Dignity at www.agingwithdignity.org. It is a document that specifies the person they want to make care decisions for them when they can’t; the kind of medical treatment they want (or don’t want); how comfortable they want to be; how they want people to treat them; and what they want you to know. It is a document that is signed by your parent and two witnesses.

Third, understand what your options are regarding levels of care.

♦ Non-medical home care is where you are likely to provide the most hands on care. According to “Home Instead Senior Care,” an organization based in Dubuque, IA, non-medical home care focuses on helping elders with the daily activities necessary to remain safe and healthy in their own homes. When non-medical care is needed, tasks may include eating, dressing, bathing, toileting, companionship, meal preparation, light housekeeping, medication management, errands, shopping, transportation, laundry, or hobbies. One of the most important needs of seniors who live alone is companionship. Seniors need conversation to keep their minds alert. Increased visits will help them, but also help you assess their changing needs over time. Even seniors with dementia may be less confused at home where they will more likely know where everything is located.

♦ If, for example, your parent has a stroke or broken hip, home health care by a professional might include such services as post-op rehabilitation, occupational therapy, speech therapy, wound care, mobility training, pain management, injections and skilled assessments and education.

♦ As your parent’s condition progresses, you may consider additional services such as assisted living housing, retirement housing, adult day care, or a nursing home. You may need help from financial advisors and attorneys. The Illinois Department on Aging and Department of Human Services are enormously helpful in providing education and resources as you need them.

Fourth, take a deep breath to calm your own anxiety. The process develops over time and you will deal with each step as it occurs. Generate a support network for yourself, take time for your own interests and set limits as to how much you can give of yourself.