Charles Manson is Getting Married in Prison – What’s up with that?

Manson, aged 80, is serving a life sentence with no parole for mass murders committed in 1969. He had an extensive criminal career prior to 1969 and spent most of his life incarcerated. His fiance relocated from Illinois to California to be near him. They talk by phone daily and see each other on weekends. Even after they are married, they won’t be allowed conjugal visits. Apparently, this 26-year-old young woman has her own reasons for marrying him. She believes he is innocent of the crime and is working toward his release. By her own account, she loves him. How weird is that?

Not as weird as you’d think. Many high-profile criminals, particularly those who have committed atrocious crimes, receive “fan mail” in prison which is sometimes romantic in some cases resulting in marriage.

There are a number of theories for why women seek out relationships with bad boys. Biological: the hormonal influence of ovulation causes women to perceive bad boys (sexy, rebellious, adventurous and handsome) men as good partners for procreation. Psychological: some believe they can change a man, even a serial killer; others see the “wounded child within” and believe that love will heal him. Opportunistic: some want to share the media spotlight. My preferred theory is loneliness: we all have an innate and healthy drive for social connection. Loneliness causes emotional distress and has negative health consequences. Social connection just feels good for most of us, even if the object of our attraction is less than perfect.

In the case of Charles Manson’s fiancé, it appears that she has made him the focus of her personal and career objectives. He is more a project than a partner. By virtue of his incarceration, they may have a marriage certificate but they will never share a married life.

There are a number of reasons that some women are attracted to bad boys, but one thing is certain – their ability to choose an appropriate life partner is out of whack. These relationships usually turn out badly. What is initially attractive, turns out to be maddening. These men don’t usually change, they are unavailable either literally or emotionally, their sense of adventure sometimes counters loyalty. Bad boy traits make for bad dating partners and even worse spouses.

“But he makes me feel special.” “We have incredible chemistry.” “When you feel it, you just know it’s right.” Although attraction is important, basing a relationship on how they make you feel is short-sighted. These statements say nothing about the person they are attracted to. What are their personality traits and relationship skills? What will they bring to your life and future? After all, even a sociopath will make you feel great.

So how should we approach dating? Most important is to have a clearly defined sense of self and objective of your own future. What are your core beliefs and values? What sort of person will enhance that? What are your deal breakers?

Learn to assess others. What kind of person are they? What are their core beliefs and values? If you are caught up in the adrenal rush of first love, you lose the ability to be a keen observer of the other’s traits. Dr. Helen Fisher is an anthropologist who studies love. She makes the point that this initial stage of love can only last up to one and a half years. It is after this stage that the rose-colored glasses come off and you clearly see the person before you with all their flaws. Long dating periods prior to commitments of marriage are recommended for this reason. Sometimes people choose to marry while in this stage, then are disappointed in their choices after the “chemistry” wears off. The fantasy of this person may not match the reality of this person.

Consider your feelings, but be guided by your best judgment.