Dueling Political Yard Signs
The 2022 United States elections are scheduled to be held on Tuesday, November 8, 2022. During this midterm election year, all 435 seats in the House of Representatives and thirty-five of the 100 seats in the Senate will be contested. Political yard signs are popping up everywhere. Campaign signs influence how we vote more than you might realize. But have you seen dueling yard signs from the same household? It happens. And not necessarily from unhappy marriages.
Politically mixed marriages have been trending down. In 2016, when Eitan Hersh and Yair Ghitza counted married couples among registered voters, they found that 30% of couples were politically mixed, meaning they did not share the same party identification. Most of these marriages were between partisans and Independents, and 9% of all mixed marriages were between Democrats and Republicans. Today, only 21% of marriages are politically mixed, and 3.6% are between Democrats and Republicans.
A Wakefield Research study revealed that 29% of Americans viewed the political climate as a cause of tension between their partners. In 2017, after Trump won the election, 11% of Americans ended a romantic relationship because of different political views. Younger couples were the most likely to break up over politics, with 22 percent of millennials deciding to call it quits over political views.
Yet, your overall relationship satisfaction will lead to future relationship success or failure, probably not solely your differing political views.
Do your core values have to align? No two people share all the same beliefs or have the same exact traits. All couples struggle with differences. All individuals have unique preferences and personalities that are based upon such things as genetics, parenting, formative experiences, role modeling, deeply held values, or traumas.
Psychologists John and Julie Gottman, of the Gottman Institute, studied couples in conflict. Four years later, they found that these couples were still in conflict regarding the same topic. In fact, 69% of the things that they were in conflict about were not solvable. For example, extroverts will never be introverts. Hoarders will never be clean freaks. People who are chronically tardy will not be consistently early without earnest effort. People who are habitually lazy will not be drawn to extreme sports. Couples tend to argue about deeply held values, including politics, religion, differences in their handling of money, the discipline of children, communication styles, etc.
The Gottmans warn against getting into gridlock over these perpetual conflicts. Power struggles lead to relationship dissatisfaction. If each party makes an effort to please their partner, they might achieve a 25% change. They will never be you, but if they are willing to make some accommodations, relationship satisfaction increases.
What matters is not solving perpetual problems, but rather the effect with which they are discussed. The goal should be to establish a dialogue about the difference that communicates acceptance of your partner with humor, affection, and respect. Wise couples will seek commonalities.
The couple with dueling yard signs disagrees on the best candidates, but both agree that voting is important. Get out there and vote!