Elder Abuse

Over lunch the other day, a friend discussed her concerns about her mother’s welfare. She laid out the following scenario: Her brother does not work due to a physical disability and has chronic pain, for which he takes large amounts of pain killers. Her mother loves him and wants to help, especially because he has been so distraught at times that he has considered suicide. Over the last several years, their mother helped him out financially. He recently divorced and moved in with their mother. Their mother allowed him the use of her credit card to purchase gas for his car. My friend was disturbed to find that their mother had not only given him her retirement savings, but he ran up bills of $500 per day on her credit card, and caused an overdraft on her checking account. My friend was asked not to visit her mother because she and her brother do not get along. Her only contact with her mother at this point is through Facebook, and she suspects that her brother is monitoring their facebook communication. She feels powerless to protect her mother, especially because it seems that her mother, who is of sound mind, is allowing this to continue.

This situation is a form of elder abuse. There are several key features in this scenario that distinguish this type of domestic violence. Her brother is controlling who their mother sees and talks to by isolating her. He has threatened to commit suicide which can be a form of manipulation. And he has taken control of her financial resources, making her financially unstable. She is not likely to call the police because his life circumstance will worsen, and she loves him. She is not likely to tell him to leave because he has no where to go. She wouldn’t want her son to be homeless. There may also be veiled threats to her physical safety if she won’t comply with his angry outbursts.

I recommended that my friend refer to the Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence or www.ilcadv.org for additional information and resources. They outline examples of economic abuse as controlling financial resources, destroying a partner’s credit, controlling how money is spent, withholding money or giving the partner an allowance, prohibiting the partner from working or keeping a job, or attending school; stealing money from a partner; overdrawing a partner’s checking account; not allowing a partner’s name on the accounts or making them responsible for all of the accounts; stealing a partner’s identity, money, credit or property, and demanding details of how money was spent.

In our scenario, my friend could help her mother take back control of her financial resources by having her mother get a credit report and put a fraud alert or credit freeze on her report. Getting credit information will help determine the extent of the damage done. It sounds as if her mother has lost her retirement savings, but a credit check will help determine if she at risk of losing her home as well.

This same website gives tips on creating a safety plan to get out of the abusive relationship. I also recommended that she contact the victim services provider in her county. A victim services Legal Advocate can help her mother create a safety plan.