Encouragement Helps Relationships

Whether it’s a friend who needs guidance, a family member in need of a boost, or a co-worker requiring motivation, we could all use more encouragement. We all want the best for our loved ones. But while our intentions may be good, our methods often provoke resistance or foster discouragement.

Power and control seem to be at the heart of many clashes between partners or between parents and children. Once we recognize our own part in the struggle, we are better able to begin to encourage. If winning is your goal, then you’ll be involved in continual power struggles, and your friend or partner will likely behave the same way. Encouragers put an emphasis on working together, cooperation, and making decisions jointly. Encouragers believe that sharing is the basis for the most productive type of relationship.

Don Dinkmeyer & Gary McKay identified ways to encourage others in their book STEP: Parenting Teenagers:

1. Focus on the positive.

Positive expectations and encouragement go hand in hand. Value others as they are, don’t burden others with negative expectations or constant demands.

2. Show faith.

Believe in others without requiring proof that the faith is deserved.

3. Build self-respect by avoiding comparisons to others.

Why mention how well another employee is doing, or that they are more helpful, or more anything? Comparisons reduce self-respect by devaluing an employee’s efforts.

4. Recognize effort and steps toward improvement, not just completed tasks or achievements.

Encouragement can be given when someone is not successful: for effort, improvement and even interest. It shows appreciation for one’s contribution.

5. Focus on strengths and assets instead of fault finding.

Be a talent-scout in searching, and commenting on positive behavior.

6. Look within.

Are you quick to attack another for a similar trait in yourself? Unhook yourself from that negative cycle.

The language of encouragement is found in statements such as “I like the way you handled that.”, “I have confidence in your judgement.” “I can see you put effort into that.” “Thanks for helping, it took a load off me.” Others will appreciate the encouragement and you may find your relationship strengthened.

Other successful strategies are to ask for opinions and suggestions, encourage participation in decision-making. Accept mistakes and create a safe environment where it is easy to admit and discuss mistakes. Encouragement is a learned skill and improves with practice.