JD Vance on Domestic Violence

JD Vance said that after the sexual revolution of the 1960s, “It was easier for people to shift spouses, like they change their underwear. He postulated that children suffered when their parents divorced, even when the marriages were unhappy or “maybe even violent.” He told an audience at an Orange County event that his grandparents did not divorce despite an incredibly chaotic and violent marriage. He added, “And maybe it [divorce] worked out for the moms and dads, though I’m skeptical. But it really didn’t work out for the kids of those marriages. And I think that’s what all of us should be honest about.”  

Let’s take a close look at Vance’s statements. He may be expressing his honest opinions of divorce, but research does not support those opinions.

First, he believes people divorce too easily. But in the case of victims of violence, leaving is not easy. On average, it takes a victim seven attempts to leave before staying away for good.

Second, violence is harmful to children. Is it best to “stay for the kids”? No, not if the home is toxic. (by gbaskerville, Sep 26, 2020, Divorce and Children, Featured, Myths)

I have been a family therapist for over 30 years. I can’t recall ever hearing someone say that when there was violence in the marriage, they wished their parents had stayed together. We are not talking about normal marriages. We are talking about marriages that are unsafe. These bad marriages have real, long-term negative effects on kids’ emotional well-being. Merely witnessing violence is harmful to children.

Researchers compared the outcomes of two groups of adults who were brought up in destructive homes: those whose parents divorced versus those whose parents stayed. They discovered that the kids whose parents divorced had much better well-being on average. (Judith S. Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce)

Third, domestic violence often has severe and even lethal consequences. Vance’s grandparents were separated for many years but did not divorce. Vance takes pride in their perseverance. They were “together until the end, till death do us part.” This should be a matter of horror, not pride, because his grandmother attempted to murder his grandfather. Sadly, according to the CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 41% of women and 26% of men have experienced domestic violence in their lifetime. This includes physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, and psychological aggression. In these cases, divorce is the best option for the victim.

Fourth, domestic violence is illegal. Under 18 U.S. Code § 16, a “crime of violence” is defined as an offense that involves the use or attempted use of physical force against another person or their property or a felony offense that poses a substantial risk that physical force may be used during its commission. It should never be tolerated.

Fifth, spirituality and religion can have a dual role in intimate partner violence. It can be a helpful coping mechanism for victims who are trying to survive. But it can also be used as a tool to abuse or control a victim. (https://aifs.gov.au/media/religion-plays-dual-role-intimate-partner-violence)

Sixth, anyone that encourages you to stay in an abusive relationship is not looking out for your best interests or the best interests of your children. They are advocating for the comfort of the abuser.

California Democratic state Sen. Dave Min described Vance’s comments as “radical” and “dangerous.” He said, “Anyone who knows anything about domestic violence knows that what JD Vance is saying is horrific—it is ignorant, it is reprehensible.” Min’s wife, a law professor at UC Irvine, directs a legal aid clinic that provides free representation to survivors of domestic violence.

Domestic violence is never acceptable, in any circumstance. When should one leave an abusive marriage? The sooner, the better.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, help is available. Call 800-799-SAFE, text START to 88788, or visit thehotline.org (National Domestic Violence Hotline), where you can chat with an advocate.