Living With Regrets?
Have you read The Midnight Library, by Matt Haig? I highly recommend this thought-provoking novel. The main character, Nora Seed, is on the brink of suicide. She finds herself between life and death in a library filled with books of her regrets. She has an opportunity to experience her lives as they might have been. She explores various lives, wondering if she had just made this decision, or that one, would one small change have altered the trajectory of her life. Would any of these other lives truly have been better?
Regret is an emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. We can also regret our inaction. It is often a feeling of sadness, shame, embarrassment, disappointment, or anger – if only we had done such and such. As the opportunity to remedy a situation passes, feelings of hopelessness may increase.
BucketListJourney.net lists the top 10 regrets some people may have as they look back upon their lives.
- Not making amends
- Sweating the small stuff
- Unaccomplished goals
- Words left unsaid
- Working too much
- Worrying too much about what others think
- Not following their passion
- Taking life too seriously
- Not listening to their intuition
- Not spending more time with family and friends
A major challenge of being human is to allow ourselves to have regrets without being debilitated by them. Ruminating and obsessing on past actions or decisions that we feel badly about can lead to depression and rob us of the joy of living.
Regret can serve a purpose. When we feel regret, we can either cringe or we can take steps to ensure we don’t repeat our past choices. Identifying the underlying cause of our regrets can serve as reminders to seize the day. Feeling regret will spur future action to make sure other opportunities are taken so that regret will not be experienced again.
So how do you live with regret? Realize that some regrets are justified and forgive yourself. Give yourself credit for trying your best because you made the best decision you could. Granted, with more time and information you might have come to a different or better decision. But you couldn’t have known. Let your regrets serve as lessons. We can learn from Ralph Waldo Emerson, who wrote, “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better.”
Food for thought: What are your regrets? What makes life worth living? Would you have done anything differently if you had the chance to undo your regrets? If you had an opportunity to experience other trajectories of your life, would you do so?