Revenge: Bitter or Sweet?

You’ve probably been wronged at some point in your life. Have you ever been so deeply wounded that you’ve wanted to stick pins into a voodoo doll with fantasies of revenge? Sometimes we want to hurt the people that have injured us. Revenge is thought to bring a sense of catharsis and closure. Emotional catharsis suggests that venting aggression purges it from the body and mind. The thought of retribution gives us emotional satisfaction but may not be ultimately satisfying.

In most cases, instead of quenching hostility, revenge can prolong the unpleasantness. Research done by Kevin Carlsmith of Colgate, Timothy Wilson of the University of Virginia, and Daniel Gilbert of Harvard found that people erroneously believe revenge will make them feel better and help them gain closure. Still, people who take revenge ruminate on their vengeful actions and feel worse than those who don’t.

That most people fail to feel good after revenge does not mean revenge can never feel good, according to psychological scientist Mario Gollwitzer. He found that revenge can succeed only when an offender understands why the act of vengeance has occurred. Study participants who received a message of understanding reported much more satisfaction than those who received an indignant response. Unacknowledged revenge felt no better than none at all. “Revenge entails a message,” Gollwitzer says. “If the message is not delivered, it cannot reestablish justice.”

Some people are more prone to wanting revenge than others. We all get hurt from time to time, but some of us seek revenge and others do not. People who enjoy hurting others and seeing them in pain are more likely to seek revenge against those who have wronged them, according to David Chester, Ph.D., in a study led by a Virginia Commonwealth University psychology professor. He found that sadism is the dominant personality trait that explains why certain people are more likely than others to seek vengeance.

Chester’s goal is to reduce violence and to reduce aggressive behavior. The most common form of that is revenge. “When you ask murderers, terrorists, and others who commit violence why they did what they did, the answer is frequently that they were seeking retribution for something that someone had done to them. So, if we’re trying to reduce aggression, we should start by trying to reduce revenge.”

How do we reduce a desire for revenge? Research suggests that when it comes to valuable relationships, “what the angry mind ultimately wants is a change of heart from the transgressor,” Michael McCullough, a professor of psychology at the University of Miami says. He points to studies showing that when a victim receives an explanation and an apology, the desire for revenge weakens.

So, how do we cope with our unfulfilled desire to even the score? Rather than dwelling on the injury, you would be better served by focusing your energy on healthier, more constructive ways of dealing with anger. You may focus on your own success, work toward forgiveness, or simply respond with indifference. You may acknowledge that you too, may have deeply hurt others.