Steps To Self-Esteem

How you feel about yourself radiates from you like radio waves, sending signals to others about how you want to be treated. People with high self-esteem respect themselves and expect others to treat them well. Those with low self-esteem send signals that they expect low regard. Self-respect in your right to be treated fairly and courteously is central to self-esteem. Without it, you’ll treat yourself badly and let others do the same.

Our self-appraisal comes from genetics – we are hardwired toward certain dispositions; early childhood experiences from family; school experiences from both teachers and peers; life struggles and failures. Some life events such as divorce, job and economic loss can cause most people to question their worth.

By the time we are adults, we’re so accustomed to thinking about ourselves in certain ways that we may not recognize how harshly we treat ourselves. Self criticism and negative thinking are learned behaviors that can be changed.

How is self-esteem built?

• Appreciate your unique traits, talents and skills.

• Live according to your values. People who compromise their values in order to gain wealth, status or power do so at the cost of their self-esteem.

• We like ourselves more when we feel a part of a group of people whom we love and admire. Their support and acceptance bolsters self-esteem when life’s struggles pull us down.

• Accomplishing your goals brings pride of achievement that increases self-esteem.

• Positive self-talk that is encouraging builds self-esteem.

Cognitive therapy is demonstrated to be an effective form of psychotherapy treatment. An excellent self-help book on Cognitive Therapy is The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. Or, if you are stuck, therapy can help get you back on your feet. A therapist can help you learn to recognize destructive or negative self-talk and replace it with more realistic and reasonable beliefs.