What’s Up with Catfishing?

Catfishing is the use of a fake online persona to lure someone into a false relationship. Some people who catfish go to extreme lengths to create fake identities. Catfishing involves throwing out the bait, such as attractive photos, positive traits, and flattering words. The victim is strung along until trust is built. Victims think they are in a legitimate love relationship. They’ve been scammed: hook, line, and sinker.

Online dating makes it easy. Dating sites provide a convenient way to meet people. A recent survey suggests that over 40 percent of people in established relationships met their current partners online. In most cases it is a successful tool. But in some cases it has devastating outcomes.

Though both men and women are vulnerable to catfishing, women are more likely to be victims. Catfishing relationships typically remain online, with one person believing it is legitimate and the other knowing it is not. From the very start, catfishing’s core is deception; there are usually no plans to move a relationship offline because it’s not an honest relationship. Although most people feel confident that they would know if they were communicating with a completely fabricated identity, it could happen to anyone.

Why do people do it? Generally, they want financial gain. A documentary film, The Tinder Swindler, directed by Felicity Morris, is the story of a serial con artist. He used the dating app Tinder to contact women under the name Simon Leviev and tricked them into lending him money that he never repaid. He gave women lavish gifts using money he borrowed from other women he previously conned. It’s estimated that he swindled $10 million from people across the globe. In December of 2019, he was convicted of theft, fraud, and forgery of documents and sentenced to 15 months in prison. After serving only five months of jail time, he was released for good behavior. He’s walking free and pursuing a Hollywood career, while the women he swindled remain in debt to this day.

But the 2010 documentary Catfish, directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, highlighted a perpetrator’s life of quiet desperation. The perpetrator sacrificed her life dreams in favor of a marriage in which she became the primary caregiver to her husband’s severely disabled children. She developed a fantasy relationship to compensate for her challenging home life.

Why do people fall for it? Love is intoxicating. According to psychiatrist Michael Liebowitz, the brain is awash in drug-like chemicals. “It jolts lovers’ brains with feelings of euphoria, elation, and exhilaration, and enough energy to stay up into the wee hours talking, making love or gazing rapturously into each other’s eyes.” Who doesn’t want the “amphetamine-like high” of the beginning phase of romance? In this stage, the victim doesn’t want to believe they have been scammed.

When someone is catfished, it can be extremely damaging to their mental health and financial security. They can feel humiliation for ‘falling for’ a completely non-existent person. They may fear revenge from the perpetrator if they expose them, as happened in The Tinder Swindler. Interestingly, one of the victims featured in The Tindler Swindler chose to continue online dating. Hope reigns eternal for some people. Others may become paranoid and socially withdrawn.

Here’s how you can protect yourself. Take a look at yourself. Assess your motivation for dating and your personality traits. Are you vulnerable to being catfished out of loneliness, naivete, or a strong need to rescue? Or do you come to dating with high self-esteem? Positive self-regard and confidence can be a protective factor.

Look for red flags. Always remain slightly cautious, especially if you have only just started speaking with them or have no solid evidence that they are who they say they are. Never give money to someone who asks for it online. Any requests for private information (e.g., bank info or social security numbers) or requests for money transfers are likely a scam. Take your time in developing a relationship. Although it feels so good to love and be loved, real relationships take time. I advise a minimum of one year before making commitments to and sacrifices for a partner. Ask questions and seek validation for the answers. Cross-check their online profiles.

Finally, let your friends know about this online relationship. They may spot red flags before you because they are not blinded by love.

Be careful out there.